How to make life better in my 40s

I really thought I would have things figured out by now. Why isn’t life simple yet? Where is my plaque that announces to the world that I have achieved peak adult status? When do I feel like I’m doing life better?

When I was coming up on my 40th birthday last year, I wanted to do something special to mark the occasion.

I immediately pictured doing this amazing 40th birthday photo shoot with a beautiful black dress, bottles of wine, and a crown of some sort. Badass, right?

But we were in the early days of COVID and my self-esteem was non-existent. I never photograph well and there’s no way I could pull off this gorgeous long, flowy black and gold dress I’d had my eye on. The wine was doable. So I backed off the idea completely and did nothing to mark the occasion.

Fast-forward to this year and I’ve turned 41. Now, I’m officially IN my forties. My self-confidence can still use some work, my body image is firmly in the “not positive” category, but I’m definitely much more outgoing than I was. That’s due in large part to my job, which gets me out in the community, meeting people and getting involved.

I love it! It’s helped get me a little closer to who I thought I would be as a woman this age (mouthy, brassy, fun to be around, witty and smart, but also sweet and supportive).

But I still skipped on doing a photo shoot and didn’t do anything to celebrate (again) other than making cupcakes and thanking everyone who took the time to tell me happy birthday on Facebook.

If life really begins on your 40th birthday, it’ because that’s when women finally get it… the guts to take back their lives.

Laura Randolph

Goals for this year

My top goal for this year is to actually make and follow through on … goals.

I, like most people, am notorious for not completing anything. Resolutions are dropped two weeks into January. To-do lists are half written and forgotten about.

But enough is enough. I’m rushing toward middle age and I have things I want to accomplish before the arthritis and the memory loss sets in. So, these are a few things I’m going to be working on this year:

Finish knitting that throw blanket I started last year
Be more positive; focus on being “the good” by dishing out compliments and being a hype-girl for whoever needs it
Take care of my friendships; stay connected and make an effort to be present in any form needed (phone, text, meme-sharing, pop-in visits)
Volunteer with some of the local nonprofits
Take some classes- in-person craft classes at with some of our local businesses, online writing courses, yoga or Pilates
Read more- not just for fun but for self-improvement/motivation/self-love
Following through (crafts, this blog, goals, meal plans …)

Making life easier (and better)

One thing I’m learning to appreciate more as I get older is keeping things simple. My kids are old enough now to operate the stove and air fryer, so I don’t have to do as much cooking these days. This works great with our schedules since everyone seems to have meetings, practices, rehearsals, etc. in the afternoons these days.

I think I’ve only cooked two full meals in the past week …

Another thing I’m learning to do is to let go of some of my responsibilities. I have the kids unload the dishwasher and have started to let them load it too (which has been a struggle, because we all know that there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it, right??). I don’t sweep and mop anymore. That’s a chore that gets assigned to one of them during the week. They do their own laundry – wash, dry, fold (in their own unique way) and put away.

It was hard letting them try to be more self-sufficient at first. But I have to remind myself that we’re not just raising kids, we’re raising future adults who need to be able to operate a washer and dryer, who need to know how to do more than microwave a hot dog or a hot pocket.

We want them to be able to take care of themselves once they’re out on their own, and it starts with me unclenching a little and having them do more to help around the house.

I have to remind myself that I’m not a bad mom just because they have to do their own laundry. Or if they clean their toilet. Or because they had to cook their own food.

I’m not a bad mom because I’m teaching my kids how to take care of themselves and to prioritize taking time for themselves too.

Three things I need to make life better

I’m not high maintenance (like, at all). I keep my makeup to a minimum. My hair rarely gets more attention than a brush and a ponytail. My favorite lipstick is lip balm. Jeans and hoodies are my bff.

But when I find something that makes life better and simpler, I’ll jump over mountains to have it. Here are some of my favorite things that keep me going (and looking less like a swamp monster):

Air fryer: When I finally decided to cave and look into air fryers (about three years after everyone else did), we knew we needed something that could do more than just cook french fries and nuggets. Those things can get pricey and counter space is at a premium in this house, so we needed something that was worth it. We chose the Emeril Lagasse Power Air Fryer Plus. It does everything we need – and some things we don’t. It air fries, bakes, toasts, rotisseries. It’s easy to use and cooks food fast. I can put frozen biscuits in there 20 minutes before we have to head out the door in the morning and they’ll be ready for a hot breakfast.
Hair dryer: I never mastered the art of the blowout. I’m not coordinated enough to hold up a blow dryer and a hair brush at the same time, so I usually just let it my hair air dry. But sometimes I want that look. You know, like I just stepped out of the salon chair but without the time and expense. I saw a lot of videos with this Revlon One-Step Hot Air Brush, and I gave in and bought one. And I have really been impressed with the results! I can have smooth hair just by brushing this thing through it. Life changer!
Magical concealer: Like I said, I keep my makeup to a minimum. That’s because I’ve never really been good at it, and I’m only just getting into the TikToks and Reels that show me how easy it really can be (with the right stuff). But one thing I’ve been a fan of for a while now is this Maybelline Instant Rewind concealer. I literally make about five sweeps with this thing to help around the eyes and my WTF lines in the middle of my forehead and I feel like I’ve accomplished something. My other favorite is Physician’s Formula color correcting powder, which unfortunately seems to have disappeared from the earth because I can’t find it anywhere.

It gets better

This past year – my first full year of being 40 – I learned that our parents really were just winging it. Just like we are today. Life is a mess. It’s a struggle most days. We feel like we’re failing most of the time.

But there are those moments where we have those wins. Our kids get a good grade on a test we helped them study for. We’re able to pay for that private lesson. We completed that last class for needed for our degree. Those are the moments where it feels like we have it all together. That we’re going to be okay.

We realize in those moments that, yes, things are hard and life sucks sometimes, but we can do it.

I’m not going to let the number 40 (or 41, now) mean it’s time to slow down. I have a job I love, but it’s not the last stop on my station. I’m going to keep growing and doing and exploring. I’m excited to keep taking bigger and bigger steps toward the life I’m building and finding myself exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Looking ahead

I don’t know if I’ll ever make time for a photo shoot, but it’s still something Id like to do. We all deserve pictures that make us feel glamorous and fun and free. But in the meantime, I’ll be focusing on making choices that help get me and my family to our goals. We want to buy a home of our own. The kids want to get involved in more things at school (theater, sports). We have businesses that we’d like to get up and running.

Those things will take time and planning, but we’ll keep working towards them. It will look messy, but I’m going to make life better.